Mikyphrô: a Swacratic Dialogue

This is a philosophical dialogue in the style of a well-known philosopher, modeled very closely on a conversation that occurred in the spring of 2005.

Μίκυφρων: Where are you going, Samcratês? I cannot see how you intend to get back home following that path.

Σάμκρατης: You forget that Willets is not my home, but rather a temporary residence for me. If it pleases you, though, I will walk toward Willets with you and we can appreciate the view out here in the sun.

Μίκυφρων: Lately, Samcratês, I must admit that I don’t really like walking. Well, actually I am quite fond of walking generally, but sometimes I wish I could simply get to the place I want to be without the necessity of being slowly conveyed by my legs.

Σάμκρατης: Well, if we could live in Star Trek we could just say “Beam me up, Willets,” and Willets would respond with this automated voice and then you’d be there.

Μίκυφρων: What you say, Samcratês, seems to me quite right.

Σάμκρατης: But then you’d have to worry about being attacked by the Borg, and that would be not good.

Μίκυφρων: Oh, that would totally suck.

Σάμκρατης: Oh, how wise you are Mikyphrô! That’s quite astute.

Μίκυφρων: What, are you then insinuating, Samcratês, that it would not be ideal to live in Star Trek? But what of the convenience added by not having to walk everywhere? Is this not substantial? Does it not increase utility for many people?

Σάμκρατης: And what of being attacked by the Borg, how does the disutility of enslavement and assimilation by a pseudo-human race compare to utility of not walking?

Μίκυφρων: Why, it is of course the case that to be enslaved is far, far worse than to have to walk.

Σάμκρατης: So maybe it’s good that we don’t live in Star Trek.

Μίκυφρων: Perhaps we should continue this conversation another time, Samcratês, for I am in a hurry now, and it is time for me to go.

Σάμκρατης: What a thing to do my friend! By going you have cast me down from a great hope I had, that I would learn from you the nature of the pious and the impious and escape Meletus’ indictment by showing him that I had acquired wisdom in divine matters from Mikyphrô, and my ignorance would no longer cause me to be careless and inventive about such things, and that I would be better for the rest of my life.